Marriage & Relationships - Character Red Flags

Character Red Flags:
Controlling

Your friend can manipulate in many ways: guilt-inducement, threats of abandoning you, threats of self-harm, yelling, physical aggression, isolating you, pouting, interrogating you, etc. It may be obvious; it may be much more subtle. You might be told that it's really love, but deep down you know that's not the truth. If you see glimpses of controlling actions now, it's fair to say they will likely increase after marriage.

Christian men can hide their control behind headship. Yes, the Bible does speak to the place of headship in a husband (Eph. 5:23), but it's not about domination or manipulation. Jesus is given as the model for headship, the one who came not to be served, but to give his life for you and me. Headship has more to do with servanthood than with being "in charge." It's more about his responsibility before God to encourage the relationship positively than about him demanding his own way. The mutual submission that is stated in Ephesians 5:21 provide a safeguard against marital headship from being used as a club.

Is she able to submit to a husband, or does life simply need to go her way? When a woman has experienced over-control, abuse, or harshness in her years growing up, submission may not come easily. Even when headship is carried out in a loving balanced fashion, she may fear that it will turn into domination. There may still be some wounds that need to be addressed.

Dishonest

"I'm sure she was just stretching the facts a little bit." "He lied to me so that I wouldn't be hurt." It's easy to minimize or overlook instances of dishonesty in a relationship. But lying is often a pattern that pulls the rug out from under a marriage. If you can't trust a person's words, what can you trust about them? Lies that we're aware of are often the tip of the iceberg. We want to trust our friend. But when we find an instance of dishonesty, it causes us to wonder what else has been stretched or distorted

"Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue lasts only a moment." Proverbs 12:19. What greater picture of the outcome of honesty can we find? Like most sin, lying has momentary purpose, but it leads to destruction. Does your friend have a reputation that his/her words can be trusted? Is truth compromised for gain, impact, or convenience?

Addiction Issues

"She doesn't drink like that too often." "Oh, he told me he's not going to look at pornography anymore." When we want a relationship to work, it's easy for us to rationalize away the red flags. Chemical dependency, sexual addictions, food addictions, etc. will gnaw at the very fabric of a marriage. If you're seeing the problem now, don't simply accept good intentions; the addiction will likely intensify. Your friend likely needs help physically, emotionally, and spiritually to experience sobriety in whatever arena of struggle. People can often "white knuckle" an addiction for a period of time, but when stress, frustration, hurts, and fatigue set in, it's easy to return to old patterns. In most instances, the addiction is not primarily about the "substance," whatever that may be, but about the pain underneath that needs to be addressed.

There's no guarantee that a person will not return to a former addiction, but if there is at least a year of consistent sobriety, chances diminish significantly. Again, the difficult question remains; if I were not saying that something needs to be done about this addiction, would my friend be pursuing help?

Inability to Apologize

We all mess up, no one is exempt. How does your friend admit when wrong? Or should I ask, does your friend acknowledge his/her mistakes? We don't want to be wrong, but dealing with it when we are goes a long way towards establishing a healthy marriage.

People may tend to struggle more with admitting mistakes when they've grown up around critical people. For some, Paul's words in II Corinthians 12: 10, "For when I am weak then I am strong," is experienced as, "For when I am weak then I am worthless."

Writing out an apology may be easier than saying it. Practicing with a small matter may make it easier when the offense has a greater emotional impact. But saying "I'm sorry" needs to happen for a relationship to thrive.

Unwilling to Get Help

If your friend is not willing to go to counseling if you marry and can't resolve an issue together, don't marry him/her. I know it may sound self serving since I'm a marriage and family therapist, but it's true. It's not merely about one's willingness to meet with a counselor or pastor; it's about one's willingness to grow, to be open, and to learn. A person might agree to it now, but conveniently has a change of mind after the "I do's."

There are often two reasons why people will avoid counseling. One, they know at a deeper level that the way they are approaching life and the relationship is not healthy. If it stays an issue just between the couple, one may succeed at convincing the other that there really are no problems, or if there is, the problem is the partner's. On the other hand, if they meet with an objective counselor, it's going to be a lot tougher to keep an unhealthy perspective alive. Secondly, a person may know that there's pain that needs to be faced, but it may scare the person half to death to do so. "If I meet with a counselor, I'll probably have to face some pains I've successfully avoided until now." Of course the price of not facing the pain is a lot more costly than facing it.

What current evidence would lead you to believe that your friend would be willing to get help when married? Is he open to learn from others, or does he know it all? Does she have a humble attitude, or is there arrogance in her tone and words?
2011 Focus on the Family.
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/preparing_for_marriage/red-flags-in-a-relationship/character-red-flags.aspx

Christian Child Placement Service
e-mail: adopt@nmcch.org
http://www.adoptnewmexico.org/
http://www.facebook.com/Adoption.aChoiceforLife
1-800-553-2229 (BABY) ex.14

Unexpected Pregnancy & Prenatal Vitamins

Are prenatal vitamins really necessary?

Yes. It's hard to get all the nutrients you and your baby need, even if your diet is close to perfect and you eat a broad range of foods, including meat, dairy products, fruits, vegetables, grains, and legumes.

Most women can benefit from taking a prenatal vitamin and mineral supplement. Think of it as an insurance policy to make sure you're getting the right amount of certain crucial nutrients during pregnancy.  If you do not provide your body the nutrients it needs to develop the baby, then your body will take your nutrients needed to maintain your health and give it to the baby.

Taking a prenatal vitamin is even more important for women with certain diets and dietary restrictions, health issues, or pregnancy complications. This includes women who:

•Are vegetarians or vegans
•Are lactose-intolerant or have other food intolerances
•Smoke or abuse other substances
•Have certain blood disorders
•Have certain chronic diseases
•Have had gastric bypass surgery
•Are having twins or higher multiples

What's in a prenatal supplement that I can't get from food?

If you're a stickler for nutrition, you may already be doing a pretty good job of getting what you need. But three crucial nutrients, folic acid and iron, are always included in prenatal vitamins because most pregnant women don't get enough of them from food alone:

Folic acid

Getting enough of this B vitamin can reduce your baby's risk of neural tube defects such as spina bifida and anencephaly by 50 to 70 percent. Folic acid may also reduce the risk of other defects, such as cleft lip, cleft palate, and certain heart defects. Taking folic acid may even lower your risk of preeclampsia.

Your body absorbs the synthetic version of folic acid better than the natural one found in food, so even if you eat a balanced diet, a supplement is strongly recommended.

Iron

Most moms-to-be don't get enough of this mineral in their diet to meet their body's increased need during pregnancy, which can lead to iron-deficiency anemia. Avoiding iron-deficiency anemia can cut your risk of preterm delivery, low birth weight, and infant mortality.

Omega-3

If a pregnant woman would like the benefits of omega-3 for their unborn baby but does not want to eat fish taking omega-3 supplements while pregnant is a great option.

Additionally taking omega-3 supplements while pregnant can aid in the child being less hyperactive while growing up. Also a child who is hyperactive who takes a DHA/omega-3 supplement will likely receive benefits from the DHA/omega-3 supplement, relieving some of the hyperactivity.

http://email.babycenter.com/servlet/cc6?IHIPJQASSDQTVuHtpkHOxguJJoQhjnVaVSRVmkLjXpKVT3Fzg4oPVXLX

Christian Child Placement Service
http://www.adoptnewmexico.org/
1-800-553-2229 (BABY) ex.14
e-mail: adopt@nmcch.org

Marriage & Relationships - Emotional Red Flags

Emotional Red Flags
Angry

I'm not talking about one's ability to experience the feeling of anger; all of us should be able to identify that God-given emotion in our lives. I'm talking primarily about frozen anger- resentment. When we hold on to anger and don't address it, bad things often happen. There may be issues about unforgiveness in the person's life. Often, underlying anger is fear, hurt, or both. Metaphorically, the clenched fist feels a whole lot safer than the more vulnerable open palm.

It can also relate to the frequency and intensity of how anger is expressed. Proverbs 22:24 says, "Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered." Is it really stretching this verse to say, don't marry a hot-tempered person? I don't think so. "But he's got a good reason to be angry!" "You don't know what she's been through!" There are a lot of legitimate reasons people may struggle with anger, but marrying into it is like walking into a hornet's nest.

Men tend to have a tougher challenge facing their anger. They may either ignore it, denying its there, or they may explode. Ladies, seeing how he resolves his anger will be the difference between a red flag and a green light in your relationship.

There is no place for physical control or violence in a relationship! It is a major red flag that needs swift action like ending the relationship! Could someone get help for their violent ways? Yes, but you would need strong evidence that it has been thoroughly dealt with spiritually, emotionally, and with a significant time of violence-free living. Your friend getting help while remaining in the relationship runs the risk of pseudo recovery.

Lack of Self Control

If a person is merely the pursuer of one's latest desire or emotional experience, life will be interesting, to say the least. Does your friend follow through on commitments and plans? Does he lack the initiative to find and hold a job? Has she gotten into debt because of impulse spending? Have you looked at each other's credit histories? Does he lack control of his passions?

When a person's emotional state rides like a rollercoaster, there may be bio-chemical issues involved which may need to be evaluated by a doctor or psychiatrist. If that's the case, what changes will proper medication produce? How likely is the person to stay on the medication over time? There may be a legitimate explanation for one's actions, but those actions still need to be lived with if two marry. And if the behavior persists you have to decide if you can deal with that for a lifetime.

Self-Absorbed

How much of your friend's life revolves around himself? Does she have a very narrow flexibility quotient- is there only a thin range of your behaviors that are acceptable in her thinking? Does she need to get what she wants even when it inconveniences others? When the pursuit of a relationship is in full gear, it's easy to think we could live blissfully seeking our friend's interests into the sunset. If that doesn't wear off before marriage, you can count on it doing so after the vows have been exchanged.

You might think that you are acting selfishly when you want your friend to meet your needs. Look for balance. Philippians 2:4 says, "Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interest of others." It's a good thing to want your friend to show interest in your needs as well as those of others. We often get an accurate sense of a person's ability to sacrifice not by their response to a romantic relationship, but by one's reaction to others in need. Are you willing to be the tag along to your friend's self indulgence? I hope not.

What amount of energy does your friend give to appearance? I'm not saying there's anything wrong with working out or dying your hair. Some need to give more attention to their appearance. But is it in balance? Does it keep a person from serving others? Does it communicate a narcissistic tendency? Sometimes it's difficult to see because we're attracted to the results. Yet over time, the downside of self absorption will become more negatively evident and destructive to the relationship. Does your friend have a humble heart?

Victim Perspective

When a person struggles with distrust, one is only a step away from playing the role of the victim. We can call it by different names- hyper-sensitivity, self pity, critical, or martyrdom. The thread that connects these is a person's difficulty resolving pain and moving forward. Life is a series of whirlwinds that just don't seem to end. Other people or circumstances are perceived as the cause of undesirable events, and one is likely to blame just about every problem on just about everyone else. A person will take little responsibility for life's struggles. When married, it becomes very easy for a spouse to be blamed for one's lack of contentment.

Is there any truth to the person's perspective? Yes, probably a little. But when someone may not want to get past the pain, there's a good chance that they won't. And who ends up with the bull's eye on their chest? You do. In extreme cases, there may be a personality disorder that is involved that is pretty resistant to change. Does your friend own his shortcomings? Does she have a narrow band of acceptable behaviors for you? You may be able to put up with that for a while when the romantic feelings are sky high, but what happens when they're not?

It's easy to think that we can rescue the victim. That if we're able to express true love, godly love, that things will change. It's tempting, but it's a trap.
2011 Focus on the Family.
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/preparing_for_marriage/red-flags-in-a-relationship/emotional-red-flags.aspx

Christian Child Placement Service
e-mail: adopt@nmcch.org
http://www.adoptnewmexico.org/
http://www.facebook.com/Adoption.aChoiceforLife
1-800-553-2229 (BABY) ex.14

Marriage & Relationships - Overview

In a relationship?

Recently met someone who caught your interest?

Been dating for quite some time?  You've identified the other person's strengths, but have also discovered some traits that leave you scratching your head.

In either case, you have probably found that many forces push you forward in your relationship.

Your own sense of loneliness and that God-given desire for connection can nudge you further in a relationship until the steps toward the altar just seem to get easier and easier. Let's say you're already in love. Talk about an influence that changes behavior! Few factors have more horse power than romance.

The forces that compel you to move forward are not out to destroy you. But with so many of them urging you toward marriage, it's wise to pause and ask yourself some questions that might prevent heartache down the road. You need to decide what to do with this relationship; no other person can make that decision for you. I've spoken with people who didn't take the time to think through their relationship. They acted solely on their feelings and tied the knot. Once married, they wanted to be faithful to that covenant, but they experienced difficulties that could have been avoided.

Once a couple has committed at the altar to be faithful "till death us do part,"  that is indeed the true path of faithfulness; facing pain can certainly refine us, but we don't get extra credit for walking into it, especially when it can be avoided.  But how would their lives have turned out had they taken the time to explore the red flags that were at least partially visible?

Marriage is great; it's a fantastic gift from God. My hope is that many of you do move forward and make that promise for life. But I've heard it said: "I'd rather be single and wish I were married, than married and wish I were single." It's one thing to be lonely alone, it's an even more distressing experience to be with someone and still be lonely. Now is the time to look carefully at who you will marry – not after rings are exchanged! Even if you're in a great relationship, asking yourself the tough questions now will only create a greater level of confidence and appreciation if you do decide to marry.

Every potential mate has a deficiency. It's called sin. Romans 3:10 says, "There is no one righteous, not even one." Every single romantic relationship has been impacted by the foolishness of two rebellious hearts! If you're looking for the perfect mate, stop. You won't find him. She doesn't exist.

Some will say, "Since no one's perfect, it really doesn't matter who I chose to marry. We're all flawed." Some will even take it a step further and say, "It's about being the right person, not finding the right person." Yes, there's some truth there, but the Bible makes distinctions between the foolish and the wise. Though we all are a mixture of both, there are some qualitative differences between people. It does matter who you marry!

When we're excited about a relationship, it's easy to overlook the red flags that at least need to be explored. We want to be married; this special person makes us feel wonderful (at least most of the time). We know some things about this person, but we sometimes fill in the gaps with what we want him or her to be like. Yet we often don't fill them in accurately. As you continue to read posts, please do so with an open mind. You just might find that some of the red flags actually relate to you, not your significant other.
2011 Focus on the Family.
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/preparing_for_marriage/red-flags-in-a-relationship.aspx

Christian Child Placement Service
e-mail: adopt@nmcch.org
http://www.adoptnewmexico.org/
http://www.facebook.com/Adoption.aChoiceforLife
1-800-553-2229 (BABY) ex.14

Parenting Alone

Could I handle being a single parent?

Will the baby’s father follow through with promises he made to me for financial support?

Will I be able to raise my child alone without degrading the father of the baby?

Will I financially be able to raise a child alone?

How will I finish my education and raise a baby?

Who will watch my baby when I go to work?

How will I feel when I have to give up my freedoms for the baby, will I resent the baby?

These may be questions a person facing parenting alone might ask.  We would be glad to help anyone facing the possibility of parenting alone, sort through their questions and emotions so they can find the best solution for their unexpected situation.

e-mail: help@pregnantandalone.org
http://www.adoptnewmexico.org/
http://www.facebook.com/Adoption.aChoiceforLife
1-800-553-2229

Three Catagories to having a Successful Marriage

#1 Emotional Health
     Emotional Health Concerns:

1. Emotional Emptiness
2. Low Self-Esteem
3. Fear of Emotions
4. Character Disorders
5. Anger Mismanagement

    Consistent Qualities of Emotionally Healthy People:

1. Not desperate to impress others
2. Do not need to be perfect
3. They are not hesitant about using professional resources
4. Don't judge worth on external factors
5. Overcome major problems with external solutions
6. Emphasize the spiritual dimension

#2 Commitment

1. Marriage is Hard Work
2. Be Active- Love! Honor! Cherish! Nourish! Action!

#3 Skill Building

1. Dream Together
2. Communicate at a deep level
3. Resolve conflict in a healthy way
4. Negotiate a mutually satisfying sexual relationship
5. Pursue Spirituality

Christian Child Placement Service
e-mail: adopt@nmcch.org
http://www.adoptnewmexico.org/
http://www.facebook.com/Adoption.aChoiceforLife
1-800-553-2229 (BABY) ex.14

Adoption - Birth Parent Needs

Physical Needs of a birth parent:

• understand the adoption process
• know the adoptive parents are healthy
• know that the adoptive parents are "good" people
• know that the adoptive parents are financially secure, have a home, education, carer
• will or does the adoptee have siblings in the adoptive home
• how will the extended family accept the adoptee
• will one of the parents stay at home with the child
• mother and father with a stable marriage
• adoptive parents keeping their word about correspondence
• confidentiality about adoptive placement
• safe environment for the adoptee
• they are in a safe environment themselves , so they are able to understand the adoption process without any threat to themselves.
• they have their housing and food needs met so they are not worried about external issues and can focus on the best choice for them and the baby.

Emotional Needs of a birth parent:

• know that the child will be told about the birth parent their whole life
• the adoptee will be taught to love them, by their adoptive parents
• the birth parents are making the adoptive placement decision on their own free will
• know that the baby will have a better chance at a better life, and a stable home than they can provide at this time
• understand that there has not been a cycle of abuse in the adoptive parents life
• understand the grieving process they are likely to go through

Special Requests from birth parents:

• want the child to be raised in a family from a particular religion
• that the adoptive family has pets
• same cultural background as the adoptee
• child have own room
• etc.

We provide options counseling on ALL options with an unplanned pregnancy; we provide free services for anyone in an unplanned pregnancy so they can make a fully informed decision about their unplanned pregnancy.  If someone you know would like to talk about their options with a pregnancy and their needs at this time we are here to listen and help:

Christian Child Placement Service
e-mail: adopt@nmcch.org
http://www.adoptnewmexico.org/
http://www.facebook.com/Adoption.aChoiceforLife
1-800-553-2229 (BABY) ex.14

If I have an Abortion...

Questions you may ask while considering an abortion:

• Will I remember the date the child would have been born if I have an abortion?
• How will I feel if I have an abortion but never have any other children?
• What if I get pregnant again, would I get another abortion?
• What does my partner think about considering an abortion?
• Will I have to keep my abortion a secret from family and friends?
• What does God think about me getting an abortion?

Finding yourself in an unplanned pregnancy and not knowing where to turn can be very scary and lonely.  We are here to listen and help.  We provide free services for anyone in an unplanned pregnancy so they can make a fully informed decision about their unplanned pregnancy.

Christian Child Placement Service
e-mail: adopt@nmcch.org
http://www.adoptnewmexico.org/
http://www.facebook.com/Adoption.aChoiceforLife
1-800-553-2229 (BABY) ex.14

Sanctus Real "Lead Me" - Passion, Intimacy, Commitment

Commitment

• Is the foundation to a relationship
• It is the decision to love
• It is the willful part of love

Passion

• Biology part of love / relationship
• Hormonal part of love / relationship

Intimacy

• Emotional side of a relationship

What is your love style, to have a whole relationship each of these aspects is needed for it to be sucessful.

Two whole people are needed to make a whole relationship.

Needing help with an unexpected pregnancy that is causing relationship troubles, contact us we would be pleased to support you during this difficult time!

e-mail: help@pregnantandalone.org
http://www.adoptnewmexico.org/
http://www.facebook.com/Adoption.aChoiceforLife
1-800-553-2229

Nutrition for Two- Pregnancy

A pregnant woman's nutritional needs each day:

Fruits, 2 cups a day:
*Eat a variety of fruits
*1 cup of fruit or fruit juice
*or 1/2 cup dried fruit

Vegetables, 2 1/2 cups a day:
*Eat a variety of vegetables
*1 cup raw or cooked vegetables of juice
*of 2 cups raw leafy vegetables

Grains, 6 ounces a day:
*Choose whole grains (not refined grains)
*1 cup cereal or
*1/2 cup pasta, or rice

Meat & Beans, 5 1/2 ounces a day:
*Choose lean protein
*1 cup lean meat or
*1/4 beans or
*1/2 ounce nuts or
* 1 egg or
*tablespoon peanut butter

Milk, 3 cups a day:
*Choose low fat of fat free
*1 cup milk or
*8 ounces of yogurt or
*1 ounce cheese

Check with your doctor on the above information, these amounts are for an average pregnant woman.  Check with your doctor to make sure your weight gain is on target. 

Do not drink any amount of alcohol while pregnant.

Take a prenatal vitamin and folic acid every day in addition to eating a healthy diet.  But don't eat too much at one time. 

Christian Child Placement Service
e-mail: adopt@nmcch.org
http://www.adoptnewmexico.org/
http://www.facebook.com/Adoption.aChoiceforLife
1-800-553-2229 (BABY) ex.14

Have you Bridged the Gender gap? - unexpected pregnancy -

Men tend to want to:

• Solve problems
• Share information
• Be admired
• Share activities

Women tend to want to:

• Improve the relationship
• Connect with mate
• Be desired
• Be cherished

With these differences in mind can you say what you mean and understand what you hear?

Everyone needs to:

• Be Genuine
• Accept Others
• Clarify what you say
• Reflect back what others say

By being empathetic genuineness opens up the other person to be able to express themselves to the other person better.


The equation xyz will be able to be put the above into effect:
When you do x I feel y and that results in z.

If you are looking for someone to help you through an unexpected pregnancy we are here to help.  We can help you understand where your relationship is at with your partner, and provide information for you about all of your options with your pregnancy.

help@pregnantandalone.org
http://www.adoptnewmexico.org/
http://www.facebook.com/Adoption.aChoiceforLife
1-800-553-2229 (BABY)

Preparing for Marriage- Unplanned Pregnancy

To enter in a marriage and have it be successful each partner must have a positive self-conception.

Negative self-conception is sometimes revealed by unspoken rules that we may not even know that we have until our partner breaks the unspoken rule. 

Four MYTHS that you may believe:

1. Each partner expects the same things from the marriage.
2. The good things in our marriage will just keep getting better and better.
3. All of the bad things in my life will go away because of marriage.
4. My spouse should complete me (make me whole).

Get yourself emotionally healthy before you get yourself married.

Two whole people = a whole marriage.

If you are considering entering a marriage relationship please seriously consider these concepts and thoughts. If you contemplating getting married because of an unplanned pregnancy these ideas should be looked at even closer.  I do feel that a child receives a better well rounded up bringing by being parented by a mother and a father, but if the parents enter in a marriage without each of them becoming whole first the child will be exposed to a lot of emotional faults and turmoil by both parents. 

Options to parenting unprepared include placing the child for adoption in a home with a mother and father, then later starting a family once emotional healing is reached.  Placing the child in the care of a family member until able to parent.  Voluntarily placing the child into a residential care program until home life is stable. 

So many children end up being removed from their home and placed into state foster care because their parents were unprepared to parent and did not have the skills to parent them in a healthy way.  Please consider all of your options before you choose what you want for your child.

Expectant parents with an unplanned pregnancy who would like help and support can contact us anytime day or night. We provide information on all options with an unexpected pregnancy and all of our adoption services for birth parents are free.

Christian Child Placement Service
e-mail: adopt@nmcch.org
http://www.adoptnewmexico.org/
http://www.facebook.com/Adoption.aChoiceforLife
1-800-553-2229 (BABY) ex.14

Abortion

Abby Johnson shares how just before the end of her employment with Planned Parenthood she took part in an abortion of a 13 week old unborn baby. Abby stated that she could see on the ultrasound monitor a perfect profile of the 13 week old baby before the abortion. She stated that the baby was trying to get away from the abortion probe.  Abby was told that the baby could not feel pain before 21 weeks gestation, but she realized that was not true when the baby was fighting for its life. 

Abby stated as part of her job at Planned Parenthood she answered questions that the women had. She reported that many of the women that asked her questions, asked "Will my baby feel the abortion?" and she told them NO. Abby stated she was trained to say that the baby's don't feel the abortion by Planned Parenthood proving again that Planned Parenthood lies to women.

Every time an abortion occures a child dies and a mother is emotionally scared.

If every day, 3 jumbo jets crashed—killing all on board—it would still not equal the number of those killed by Planned Parenthood.

We provide options counseling on ALL of options with an unplanned pregnancy; we provide free services for anyone in an unplanned pregnancy so they can make a fully informed decision about their unplanned pregnancy.

Christian Child Placement Service
e-mail: adopt@nmcch.org
http://www.adoptnewmexico.org/
http://www.facebook.com/Adoption.aChoiceforLife
1-800-553-2229 (BABY) ex.14

Physical Activities to Avoid During Pregnancy

There are certain physical activities that you should not do while you are pregnant.  Talk to your health care provider for a compleate list.

• Avoid being active outside in hot weather
• Avoid steam rooms, hot tubs, & saunas
• Avoid certain yoga poses that have you flat on your back after 20 weeks
• Avoid contact sports, football, boxing, and others that might injure you.
• Avoid horseback riding
• Avoid jumping activites that include tennis & basketball
• Avoid activities that could cause you to fall like skating and skiing

An expectant mother with an unplanned pregnancy who would like help and support can contact us anytime day or night. We provide information on all options with an unexpected pregnancy and all of our adoption services for birth parents are free.

Christian Child Placement Service
e-mail: adopt@nmcch.org
http://www.adoptnewmexico.org/
http://www.facebook.com/Adoption.aChoiceforLife
1-800-553-2229 (BABY) ex.14

Getting Physically Active While Pregnant

Get physically active for your health and the health of your baby by using these tips:

• Go for a walk with your mate or friend
• Find a prenatal yoga, water aerobics, or fitness class
• Get an exercise video for pregnant women
• Get up and move around at least once an hour if you sit in a chair most of the day
• Get up and move during commercials when watching TV

An expectant mother with an unplanned pregnancy who would like help and support can contact us anytime day or night. We provide information on all options with an unexpected pregnancy and all of our adoption services for birth parents are free.

Christian Child Placement Service
e-mail: adopt@nmcch.org
http://www.adoptnewmexico.org/
http://www.facebook.com/Adoption.aChoiceforLife
1-800-553-2229 (BABY) ex.14

Adjusting to Events Beyond your Control - Pregnant

Are you going through something in life that you were not expecting to experience?  Life sometimes brings us events that are outside of our control and we have the choice to let them overcome us or we can choose to overcome them.  Below is an idea of how we can choose to adjust to events beyond our control.

Develop the habit of happiness:

• Find the write attitude in life beyond what is happening around you
• Learn to develop right attitudes in spite of the troubles in life
• Learn to overcome self-pity and blaming others

Blame is a Toxin in life

Self-pity Sabotages positive outcomes in life

Take the habit of happiness into life rather than waiting for life to help you develop it.

If you would like someone to talk to about events in your life that are happening outside of your control we are here to listen with an empathetic, nonjudgmental ear, contact us today.

help@pregnantandalone.org
http://www.adoptnewmexico.org/
http://www.facebook.com/Adoption.aChoiceforLife
1-800-553-2229 (BABY)

Adoption Video 'One Less'

½ a million children grow up in state run foster care in the United States because their parents are not prepared to parent, but still choose the Option of Parenting… therefore resulting in the removal of the child because of some type of abuse or neglect.

If you are experiencing an unplanned pregnancy please learn about all of your options and become fully informed about the option you choose for your child. By getting education about your choice you could prevent another child being raised in foster care.

We would be pleased and honored to share information with you on all of your options with an unexpected pregnancy so you can make a fully informed decision about the best option for you and your child.



Christian Child Placement Service
e-mail: adopt@nmcch.org
http://www.adoptnewmexico.org/
http://www.facebook.com/Adoption.aChoiceforLife
1-800-553-2229 (BABY) ex.14

Postpartum Depression- Unplanned Pregnancy

Most women who deliver a baby experience the "baby blues," (50%-80%).

If you are experiencing an unplanned pregnancy it is likely that you will be included in those percentages.

A woman with the "baby blues" may:
*Cry more easily than usual
*Have trouble sleeping
*Feel irritable, sad and emotionally "on edge"

These symptoms may go away on their own within 2 weeks, and will probably not require medical treatment if the mother can still properly care for her baby.

IF the symptoms go on longer than 2 weeks the mother needs to visit her doctor, Post-partum Major Depression could develop. 10% to 20% of women who have given birth develop post-partum major depression, anytime after delivery.

Women who have a history of depression, have experienced post-partum depression before, have a lot of stress, or do not have support during and after the pregnancy are even more likely to develop post-partum major depression.

Symptoms of post-partum major depression include:
*Depressed mood
*Tearfulness
*Inability to enjoy pleasurable activities
*Trouble sleeping
*Fatigue
*Appetite problems
*Impaired concentration

Other symptoms include:
*Feelings of inadequacy as a parent
*Suicidal thoughts

This type of problem is a problem with brain chemistry, and is not the mothers fault. This is a serious problem and women with these symptoms should go to their doctor as soon as they can.

Post-partum major depression interferes with a mother's ability to care for her baby and can affect the baby's development, so it is important to get help. There are successful treatments available.

The birth of a baby can mess with a mothers emotions. Some emotions the mother will have include excitement, joy, fear, anxiety & depression. Depression after birth is not a weakness, especially if this pregnancy was not planned. Sometimes it is simply part of giving birth. If you are depressed treatment can help you manage your symptoms. If you are experiencing depression after a delivery and would like our assistance in finding help, just contact our agency, we are here to help!

Christian Child Placement Service
e-mail: adopt@nmcch.org
http://www.adoptnewmexico.org/
http://www.facebook.com/Adoption.aChoiceforLife
1-800-553-2229 (BABY) ex.14

Falling in Love for all the Right Reasons

How to know if the person you are dating is worth pursuing in 2 dates or less:

Make a list of 10 things your date MUST have
Make a list of 10 things that you CANNOT stand

Do your lists match up with your date?

To find out become a great listener, focus on something outside of yourself and then listen to the other person.

The most important single quality in your partner is emotional health. The emotional health of your partner needs to be healthy from the beginning of your relationship.

Does your date have an accurate and positive view of themselves? Are they in a good relationship with God?

Addictions, mental disorders, & mental disabilities equal relationship trouble.

Also in order for you to find a person you can fall in love with for all the right reasons you need to be emotionally healthy.

25% of marriages last and are happy
75% end in divorce

Your selection of your marriage partner by using these principals will decrease the divorce rate.

Christian Child Placement Service
e-mail: adopt@nmcch.org
http://www.adoptnewmexico.org/
http://www.facebook.com/Adoption.aChoiceforLife
1-800-553-2229 (BABY) ex.14

Getting Fit for Two

Talk to your health care provider first about the level of exercise that is safe for you, but most women should be physically active during pregnancy. 

Regulat, moderate-intensity physical activity during pregnancy may:

• Help you and the baby gain proper amount of weight
• Reduce backaches, leg cramps, swelling
• Reduce your risk of gestational diabetes
• Improve your mood and energy level
• Help you recover from delivery and return to a healthy weight faster

Safety Precautions to follow while being active while pregnant:

• Choose walking, water aerobics, swimming, yoga moderate activities
• When you start to feel tired stop the activity
• Drink plenty of water
• Don't get overheated
• Stop activity if you become dizzy, have a hard time breathing, pain in back, swelling, numbness, become sick to stomach, high heart rate or uneven rate.

An expectant mother with an unplanned pregnancy who would like help and support can contact us anytime day or night. We provide information on all options with an unexpected pregnancy and all of our adoption services for birth parents are free.


Christian Child Placement Service
e-mail: adopt@nmcch.org
http://www.adoptnewmexico.org/
http://www.facebook.com/Adoption.aChoiceforLife
1-800-553-2229 (BABY) ex.14

Unexpected Pregnancy: Tenth Avenue North - "You Are More"

"You Are More" by Tenth Avenue North

There's a girl in the corner
With tear stains on her eyes
From the places she's wandered
And the shame she can't hide

She says, "How did I get here?
I'm not who I once was
And I'm crippled by the fear
That I've fallen too far to love"

But don't you know who you are?
What's been done for you?
Yeah don't you know who you are

You are more than the choices that you've made
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes
You are more than the problems you create

You've been remade

Well she tries to believe it
That she's been given new life
But she can't shake the feeling
That it's not true tonight

She knows all the answers
And she's rehearsed all the lines
And so she'll try to do better
But then she's too weak to try

But don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes
You are more than the problems you create
You've been remade

You are more than the choices that you've made
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes
You are more than the problems you create
You've been remade

'Cause this is not about what you've done
But what's been done for you
This is not about where you've been
But where your brokenness brings you to

This is not about what you feel
But what He felt to forgive you
And what He felt to make you loved

You are more than the choices that you've made
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes
You are more than the problems you create
You've been remade

You've been remade

An expectant mother with an unplanned pregnancy who would like help and support can contact us anytime day or night. We provide information on all options with an unexpected pregnancy and all of our adoption services for birth parents are free.

Christian Child Placement Service
e-mail: adopt@nmcch.org
http://www.adoptnewmexico.org/
http://www.facebook.com/Adoption.aChoiceforLife
1-800-553-2229 (BABY) ex.14

Paternity Fear Expectant Fathers Face

About half of new and expectant dads admit they have thoughts that they are not really the baby's father. They don't think that their partner had an affair, but they are not confident that they are the father. On a logical level, it's a disconnect, but on an emotional level something else is going on. He's dwelling on his own inadequacies: It is too monumental, too big for them to wrap their head around being apart of the creation of a life.

An expectant father with an unplanned pregnancy who would like help and support can contact us anytime day or night. We provide information on all options with an unexpected pregnancy and all of our adoption services for birth parents are free.

Christian Child Placement Service
e-mail: adopt@nmcch.org
http://www.adoptnewmexico.org/
http://www.facebook.com/Adoption.aChoiceforLife
1-800-553-2229 (BABY) ex.14

Conversations About Intimacy/Sex (Part 2)

Authors Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus offer insights from their book Intimate Issues: 21 Questions Christian Women Ask About Sex.  Sex is often a taboo topic so problems with intimacy don't get addressed a lot of times. Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus have answers. Listen to these authors on the topic of Sex and Intimacy:

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/radio.aspx?ID={D42A9995-56E1-425A-A4DB-F6E7302BF807}

Christian Child Placement Service
e-mail: adopt@nmcch.org
http://www.adoptnewmexico.org/
http://www.facebook.com/Adoption.aChoiceforLife
1-800-553-2229 (BABY) ex.14

Conversations About Intimacy/Sex

Many women have a distorted view of sex. Some think sex is dirty because that's what they learned as children, while others believe sex is primarily about satisfying their husband's needs. Still other women carry emotional baggage from the past as a result of being sexually abused or engaging in sex outside of marriage. Authors Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus want to help women gain a healthy and biblical perspective on sex:
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/radio.aspx?ID={DC0C2C62-8519-42E7-83CA-360DFD2FA085}

Christian Child Placement Service
e-mail: adopt@nmcch.org
http://www.adoptnewmexico.org/
http://www.facebook.com/Adoption.aChoiceforLife
1-800-553-2229 (BABY) ex.14

Quality New Mexico Adoption Agency

Every adoption is its own unique story.  Here at the Christian Child Placement Service (CCPS) we tailor make adoption plans for birth parents and adoptive families so they can have their unique adoption story.

There are many reasons why the birth parents choose to place their children for adoption, but what is consistent is that they want the very best for their children, a mother and a father, and feel that adoption can provide it. They entrust the raising of their children to loving adoptive parents because they cannot parent their child at this time. CCPS has been assisting birth parents and bringing families together through infant adoption for more than 30 years.

An expectant parent considering an adoption plan and adoptive families have rights, and CCPS is pleased to advocate for each individual during and after the adoption process so their tailor made adoption plan can be fulfilled.

An expectant mother with an unplanned pregnancy who would like help and support can contact us anytime day or night. We provide information on all options with an unexpected pregnancy and all of our adoption services for birth parents are free.

Christian Child Placement Service
e-mail: adopt@nmcch.org
http://www.adoptnewmexico.org/
http://www.facebook.com/Adoption.aChoiceforLife
1-800-553-2229 (BABY) ex.14