By: Focus on the Family
How can I find the right person to date? I'm a Christian high-schooler who is anxious to please God, but my past relationships with members of the opposite sex haven't turned out to be very positive experiences. What can I do to avoid this in the future?
You're to be commended on your diligence, foresight and obvious desire to please the Lord. Unfortunately, many young people don't give much serious thought to issues like dating, marriage and sexual purity. Instead, they allow themselves to be led by feelings and passions and wake up at some later date filled with remorse and regrets.
As you move forward in this important area of life it's vital to bear in mind that the most important aspect of any relationship is the character of the individuals involved. You may be attracted to someone by personality or physical good looks, but if there is no depth of character behind the veneer you'll find it hard — if not impossible — to forge a lasting and meaningful bond with that person.
People get to know one another on the level of deep and genuine character by spending lots of time together. Before becoming romantically involved with an individual of the opposite sex, you should do the hard work of building a real friendship with that person. As the two of you go through a wide variety of experiences together, you will have many opportunities to discover the truth about one another's morals, values, attitudes and ways of treating other people. This crucial information will help you decide whether or not you want to go beyond the stage of mere friendship.
In Galatians 5:22 the apostle Paul gives us a wonderful list of qualities that you can use as a "character reference guide" when considering the possibility of becoming more closely involved with an individual of the opposite sex. A person who manifests the fruit of the Holy Spirit, says Paul, will exhibit peace, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. These are precisely the characteristics you want to look for in a potential life-partner.
Don't misunderstand. We're not recommending that you hold other people to an unrealistic or perfectionistic standard. We're all fallen human beings, and this means that we often make mistakes and behave in ways that are completely contrary to the qualities included in Paul's list. That's where the Holy Spirit comes in. That's where we come face to face with our deep need of God's grace. Nevertheless, if you find yourself strongly attracted to an individual who doesn't display several of these characteristics, you should probably think again. That person is definitely not a good dating prospect — no matter how smart, successful or good-looking he or she may be.
If you're not involved in a solid, Christ-centered youth group, we'd suggest that you do some research and find a church in your area that has one. Make sure that it's based around things like discipleship, spiritual maturity and Christian service rather than just fun and games. Take part in group activities that include members of both sexes and get to know as many people as you can. This will equip you with the wisdom, maturity and discernment you'll need in order to recognize a potential mate when you see one.
Our last piece of advice may be the most important of all: seek wise counsel from trusted Christian adults. Talk to your parents about this issue. Make an appointment to discuss it with your pastor or youth leader. If for some reason you don't feel that you can broach this subject with your mom and dad, find out if your pastor can match you up with a mature, happily married Christian couple in your church. If all else fails, give us a call here at 1-800-553-2229.
How can I find the right person to date? I'm a Christian high-schooler who is anxious to please God, but my past relationships with members of the opposite sex haven't turned out to be very positive experiences. What can I do to avoid this in the future?
You're to be commended on your diligence, foresight and obvious desire to please the Lord. Unfortunately, many young people don't give much serious thought to issues like dating, marriage and sexual purity. Instead, they allow themselves to be led by feelings and passions and wake up at some later date filled with remorse and regrets.
As you move forward in this important area of life it's vital to bear in mind that the most important aspect of any relationship is the character of the individuals involved. You may be attracted to someone by personality or physical good looks, but if there is no depth of character behind the veneer you'll find it hard — if not impossible — to forge a lasting and meaningful bond with that person.
People get to know one another on the level of deep and genuine character by spending lots of time together. Before becoming romantically involved with an individual of the opposite sex, you should do the hard work of building a real friendship with that person. As the two of you go through a wide variety of experiences together, you will have many opportunities to discover the truth about one another's morals, values, attitudes and ways of treating other people. This crucial information will help you decide whether or not you want to go beyond the stage of mere friendship.
In Galatians 5:22 the apostle Paul gives us a wonderful list of qualities that you can use as a "character reference guide" when considering the possibility of becoming more closely involved with an individual of the opposite sex. A person who manifests the fruit of the Holy Spirit, says Paul, will exhibit peace, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. These are precisely the characteristics you want to look for in a potential life-partner.
Don't misunderstand. We're not recommending that you hold other people to an unrealistic or perfectionistic standard. We're all fallen human beings, and this means that we often make mistakes and behave in ways that are completely contrary to the qualities included in Paul's list. That's where the Holy Spirit comes in. That's where we come face to face with our deep need of God's grace. Nevertheless, if you find yourself strongly attracted to an individual who doesn't display several of these characteristics, you should probably think again. That person is definitely not a good dating prospect — no matter how smart, successful or good-looking he or she may be.
If you're not involved in a solid, Christ-centered youth group, we'd suggest that you do some research and find a church in your area that has one. Make sure that it's based around things like discipleship, spiritual maturity and Christian service rather than just fun and games. Take part in group activities that include members of both sexes and get to know as many people as you can. This will equip you with the wisdom, maturity and discernment you'll need in order to recognize a potential mate when you see one.
Our last piece of advice may be the most important of all: seek wise counsel from trusted Christian adults. Talk to your parents about this issue. Make an appointment to discuss it with your pastor or youth leader. If for some reason you don't feel that you can broach this subject with your mom and dad, find out if your pastor can match you up with a mature, happily married Christian couple in your church. If all else fails, give us a call here at 1-800-553-2229.
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