A Birthmom's Thoughts on Adoption

How do you feel when people around you speak about adoption in a positive way?
Birthmom: "I've always liked referring to myself as the biological parent versus my sons actual parent.  I've hardly heard individuals talk positively about adoption except for the few very supportive friends or family I have who know me well enough.  Numerous individuals came up to me and confronted me about why I was choosing to not be "responsible".  This word got thrown around quite a bit.  A part of me wanted to respond sarcastically about how responsible my decision actually was." 

How important is positive adoption language?  
Birthmom: "Extremely.  It seems to me, most people stay sick because they keep adoption a secret and do not communicate enough about what's going on.  Not only that, I don't think people educate themselves enough without feeling intimidated by their counselors, agencies, or whatever.  People thus become as sick as their secrets.  the more information that's described about adoption, the better for all parties involved. Adoption language is certainly important and also complicated."

What are some of the reasons you chose the adoptive family you did?
Birthmom: "One of the many things that influenced me the most to pick the family that I had, was because they had a description about not being able to have children of their own. And when it comes to words, the fact they said they allowed their adoptive daughter at the time to play in the "dirt" caught my attention most of all. This lead me to believe that they didn't stereotype the lifestyles of the boys and girls, etc."

Thoughts on Communication:
Birthmom: "I would hope that the adoptive parents would be very open with as much information as they have to relay to the children when and if the children ask.  I've got a co-worker who has an adopted girl.  He tells his 4 year old that the mother was sick from her disease called addiction and that she's hopefully getting treatment. Who knows how much a 4 yr can understand about that, but at least it's been said accurately.  The coworker has of course, spoken in a positive way about adoption.  This is important to me because I get to see how much unconditional love and understanding this person has, along with how well the girl is treated in spite of any adversities."  

This birthmom placed her child for adoption through the Christian Child Placement Service adoption agency several years ago.  We appreciate her continued communication with us!

Christian Child Placement Service
www.adoptnewmexico.org
1-800-553-2229 ex.14
e-mail: adopt@nmcch.org