Do you wonder what to say to
birthparents that have placed their child for adoption? Are you afraid to say
the wrong thing? 5 comments NOT to say to Birthparents who have placed a child
for adoption:
1. "I could never place my baby for adoption."
This comment makes the loving birthmother feel heartless to be able to do such an act. When in fact she made a plan for her child and provided her child a home that he or she would have all of its needs provided for. The birthmother is not inferior,
1. "I could never place my baby for adoption."
This comment makes the loving birthmother feel heartless to be able to do such an act. When in fact she made a plan for her child and provided her child a home that he or she would have all of its needs provided for. The birthmother is not inferior,
Be secure in your role as a mother; that comment has more to
do with the person making it, than the birthmother. Secure women in her role as
a mother don’t make that comment; only the doubting, struggling-to-get-by
mothers say comments like that.
2. "What a wonderful gift you have given to a childless couple"
There has to a higher reason for placing the child for adoption. The gift of parents to the child, that is my intention of birth parents. They want the child to have a mother and a father. As an added benefit, the child’s parent’s lives are enriched by the child’s existence. Together, birth parents and adoptive parents celebrate the gift of knowing their child.
3. "You can have other children"
You can never replace another child with another! To try and do so is to dishonor the child you have placed for adoption and the child you use to fill the void.
Adoptees hold a special place in birthparents hearts where their names are etched forever.
No matter how many babies you carry out of the hospital with you, you never will forget the one you did not.
4. "That sure is nice of the adoptive parents to communicate with you about the adoptee."
Sending pictures and letters through the adoption agency or having visits all together reassures birth parents that their baby is healthy, loved, cared for and happy in the home they placed them in.
2. "What a wonderful gift you have given to a childless couple"
There has to a higher reason for placing the child for adoption. The gift of parents to the child, that is my intention of birth parents. They want the child to have a mother and a father. As an added benefit, the child’s parent’s lives are enriched by the child’s existence. Together, birth parents and adoptive parents celebrate the gift of knowing their child.
3. "You can have other children"
You can never replace another child with another! To try and do so is to dishonor the child you have placed for adoption and the child you use to fill the void.
Adoptees hold a special place in birthparents hearts where their names are etched forever.
No matter how many babies you carry out of the hospital with you, you never will forget the one you did not.
4. "That sure is nice of the adoptive parents to communicate with you about the adoptee."
Sending pictures and letters through the adoption agency or having visits all together reassures birth parents that their baby is healthy, loved, cared for and happy in the home they placed them in.
5. The fifth response a Birthmother does not want to hear is an awkward silence.
If birthparents are open to others about their adoption they want to talk about their children. They want to remember them. Birthparents love it when others ask how their child is doing and to ask to see the pictures. They also enjoy swapping labor and delivery stories with other mothers.
It is okay to talk about the children they placed for
adoption. The birthparents placed them for adoption. They did not place them
out of their thoughts and hearts.
Educating others how a Birthmother may feel about these five comments is important because birthparents have feelings, hearts and immense emotion surrounding the placement of their child for adoption. Since not every Birthmother is the same, some may disagree or not be affected by the above but please take each individual birthmothers feelings into account.
Be confident and comfortable when speaking with a Birthmother. Please do not think birthparents would rather not talk about their children.
Educating others how a Birthmother may feel about these five comments is important because birthparents have feelings, hearts and immense emotion surrounding the placement of their child for adoption. Since not every Birthmother is the same, some may disagree or not be affected by the above but please take each individual birthmothers feelings into account.
Be confident and comfortable when speaking with a Birthmother. Please do not think birthparents would rather not talk about their children.
e-mail: adopt@nmcch.org
http://www.LovingAdoptionOptions.org/
http://www.facebook.com/Adoption.aChoiceforLife
twiter: @pregnancy_adopt
1-800-553-2229 (BABY) ex. 14
Good thoughts. I had never put myself in the shoes of someone giving their child for adoption. This is helpful to catch a glimpse of the feelings they are experiencing.
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